george washington was once the united states' largest whiskey producer. his plantation produced 11,000 gallons in 1799.

jamestown was the first permanent english colony in north america. unfortunately, they ran out of supplies and made enemies of the local native americans by demanding food from them. by the winter of 1609 -1610, they had resorted to cannibalism. between that, starvation, and ill ness, more than  80% of the4 colonists died.

the pilgrims landed at plymouth rock because they ran out of provisions. according to the ships journal, 'especially our beere'.

that's right - the site of the first of the american colonies was chosen based on running out of booze.

benjamin franklin owned slaves until a friend took him to a school for black children, which convinced him to petition congress to end slavery.

american colonists engaged in the slave trade from the beginning, first selling native americans to the west indies and then 'importing' africans. in 1641, to reduce cargo costs, it was even proposed that noddles island (now east boston) be used as a gigantic breeding farm.

the practice of scalping dead enemies was introduced to the american colonies in the 1660's by governor willem fieft of new netherland. it caught on: in massachusetts, the scalp of a dead native american was worth us$60. by the 1750's, a male native scalp was worth us$134 in pennsylvania and a female scalp was worth us$50.

that was how the native tribes learned to scalp.

the american pilgrims landed in what is now provincetown, massachusetts, and signed the mayflower accord there. they arrived at plymouth rock 5 weeks later.

when christopher columbus returned to spain, he was thrown in jail for his treatment of the natives of the 'new world', which included cutting off their hands and prostituting their children.

samoset, the first indian that the pilgrims ever saw, spoke to them in english and asked for a beer.

(beer was the beverage of choice throughout much of history, since local water supplies were often also used for waste disposal.)

"no european who has tasted savage life can afterwards bear to live in our societies." ben franklin

between colomus's arrival in the new world in 1492 and the pilgrims' arrival in 1620, countless groups of europeans tried to make a go of colonization. they all died of starvation because they spent most of their time digging for gold and raiding native american graves. before they died, many turned to cannibalism.

plymouth rock, where the pilgrims settled, was originally a large native american village that was decimated by plague 2 years before the pilgrims arrived. the pilgrims took over the original villagers' corn fields and other crops.

squanto, the native american who helped the pilgrims, was originally from the plymouth rock area. he had been captured by spaniards in his youth and sold into slavery. he later escaped and made his way west, eventually hitching a ride to 'the new world', only to find all of his people gone.

separate rooms for sleeping are a relatively recent invention. prior to the industrial revolution, most houses consisted of a single room. that meant that you had sex in front of anyone else who happened to live in the house - like your parents.

general george washington told the continental congress that he didn't want a salary. instead, he had an expense account. he spent us$6,000 in 7 months - in 1780's money, mind you, which is like dog years in dough terms - on booze.

all told, in his 8 years as commander-in-chief, george spent somewhere around us$5 million in modern money on himself, money he loaned to friends who never paid it back, and ridiculously expensive saddles.

while his army starved at valley forge, general george washington threw himself a birthday party that included mutton, fowl, and a band.

there were 12, not 13, american colonies. delaware was never a colony; it was owned and governed by pennsylvania.

no american witches were burned at the stake. instead, they were mostly hanged. a few were drowned or stoned to death.

europeans who colonized north america did not bathe, and were amazed and confounded by native americans' penchant for personal hygiene.

2 years before the pilgrims landed, a plague hit north america, reducing the native american population by more than 90%.

plymouth colony, one of the original american settlements, began with a communist economy.